Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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