Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
