These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just googled if crying burns calories
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
