Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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