you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
