Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
