Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
