I just saw a hot homeless man
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
