It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
