Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
