Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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