Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
FUCK WHALES
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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