1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Drake has all the answers
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
