also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
porn star boner night. come get it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
