I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
