my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
