Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
