The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
