It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
