got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
