it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
