i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
