idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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