If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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