He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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