Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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