see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
