well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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