so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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