Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
