I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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