i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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