4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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