I smell stomach acid.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
