just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
