my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
