so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just google imaged poop.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
