I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
