You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
