upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
