That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
