Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
false alarm, still single
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
