I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
