What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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