I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
