I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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