when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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