i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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