Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
