Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
