Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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