Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
