my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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