Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
