worst night to have a conscience
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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