So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
