Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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